Hipsters Must Die!: The Time Out NY Series

Have you been on a train heading to some Black or Latino nighborhood, and you are waiting patiently for the that stop when you know all the white folks will get off?

In recent memory, it was 86th Street on the 1,2,3 or the 4,5,6 trains in Manhattan. In Brooklyn, the whiteys ran like hell when you hit Hoyt-Schemerhorn on the A,C.

But then, on that fateful day, as the train neared the station–and you waited for the chance to finally sit while you made your way to Harlem, El Barrio, Washington Heights, or Fort Greene and Bed-Stuy–NO Caucasians moved. They sat, with thier ironic mullets and paper cups of Starbucks (or if they’re REAL hip, FAIR TRADE COFFEE), and got off at 116th! 125th! NOSTRAND AVENUE!!!!

Aww hell naw!

Well Time Out NY has just published a whole series of articles about how the hipsters have destroyed NYC. Christian Lorentzen writes:

Under the guise of “irony,” hipsterism fetishizes the authentic and regurgitates it with a winking inauthenticity. Those 18-to-34-year-olds called hipsters have defanged, skinned and consumed the fringe movements of the postwar era—Beat, hippie, punk, even grunge. Hungry for more, and sick with the anxiety of influence, they feed as well from the trough of the uncool, turning white trash chic, and gouging the husks of long-expired subcultures—vaudeville, burlesque, cowboys and pirates.

This not the only one. There are several including:

 

  • Why the hipster must die: A modest proposal to save New York cool
  • Why the hipster must die: The hipsterati talks back: We asked hipster-leaning bloggers to defend their constituency. See what they said.
  • Why the hipster must die: Your responses: We’ve declared war on the hipster. Now it’s time for you to pick a side.
  • A hipstory: View a timeline on how this monster was created.
  • Hipster quiz: The first sign of hipsterdom is self-denial. Take our quiz and get your hipster rating.
  • Cool or played out?: We name 20 recent hipster markers; you vote on whether they have any cool value left.
  • Name that hipster: The train that cuts across the greatest swath of hipsterdom is not the L—God, that’s so two years ago—it’s the G. See if you can match these swingin’ youth to the stop where we caught them.
  • Hipster detox: Quick impressions: See how three New York hipsters coped with two weeks of mainstream living.
  • Hipster detox: Full assessment: After two weeks of ditching his Union Pool-and-Proust lifestyle, our resident cool guy breaks down his new life as a “reg.”
  • True originals: To look at them, you wouldn’t think these New Yorkers are hip. But then you find out what they did last night. We asked an octogenarian jazz maven, an avant-garde dance critic and Russell Simmons’s artist brother about NYC cool.
  • Cool as shhh: The truly “hip” stuff is unpretentious and off the radar—until TONY reports it and ruins everything. So we thought we’d make amends with these blind-item tips.
  • Cool as shhh: Guess the answers: Do you know what’s cool in this city? Then prove it.
  • Special Hipster-Issue Seek: Guest editor edition

And cursed be to Friends, Sex In The City and Seinfeld for making these awful people think NYC was cute!

One thought on “Hipsters Must Die!: The Time Out NY Series

  1. Thank you, honey. This post definitely warranted a MySpace bulletin. Like I said over there, I think you’re soft-pedaling it just a smidgen; these fuckers help deplete this city of its very lifeblood and suck it dry. Again, seems as if we’ve had this conversation before though … *sigh*

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